Rubies From My Eyes
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Disclaimer: I own none of these characters, the song is "Just For" by Nickleback.
Distribution: If you already have my stuff, then go ahead, if not, just ask first please.
Rating: NC17
Spoilers: BtVS, "Seeing Red"
A/N: This is my first EVER B/X fic, so be kind, but I was in the middle of a fic that wasn't going well, and then I heard the song and I had to...
Summary: Xander reacts to what he finds in the bathroom.
I want to rip his eyes out
just for looking at you
Yes I do
And I want, oh, to take his hands off
Just for touching you
Yes I do
"What did he do?" Xander demanded. Buffy looked up from the floor and just stared at him, her eyes more hollow and haunted than they had been even the night she returned. She flinched away as he moved closer, pulling her robe tighter around herself. "Hospital. You need to get to the hospital."
"N-no," Buffy scooted backwards on the tile, cursing herself for how weak she was, how weak Spike had made her. She should have seen this coming. She should have known what he was doing to her. Her mind had become a dungeon of self hate and she no longer had an escape. Even Xander hated her now.
Xander who'd loved her for years. Xander who'd always looked at her like she was a hero. Even when he was ready to kill her, he always idolized her. Now he was just disgusted by her, she could see it in his eyes. She'd known he wouldn't understand, but he was always supposed to love her.
You know why he doesn't, why none of them do. You know because Spike told you. You're his now. You're tied to the darkness, why fight that? Riley didn't want you in the light, why would anyone else?
"Buffy," Xander's eyes flashed a dangerous color, a shade she'd seen only when he was possessed. Pinned against the wall, no escape... was he in love with you then?
Buffy screamed, wordlessly, and crumpled into an even tighter ball, not noticing as Xander pulled her into his arms and carried her off to her bedroom.
"What happened?" Dawn whispered, staring at her sister's form. Buffy had passed out from her wounds, blood still flowing from a few of them, seeping into her sheets. Xander hadn't left her side all night.
"Spike," Xander half-growled.
"But... Buffy said they were..." Dawn flushed with anger realizing what had happened. "I'll kill him."
"NO!" Buffy screamed, still sleeping. Dawn looked at Xander questioningly.
"She's been doing that since I found her," he shrugged, running a hand over her cheek. It seemed to calm her, and she rolled over towards them. Seeing the scars covering her face and arms, Dawn gasped, and gave a startled cry. "Maybe you should..."
"I'll, umm, disinvite him, or something," Dawn nodded, backing out of the room. Xander sat on the edge of the bed and took one of Buffy's hands in his.
"I'll kill him for you, Buffy," he promised, kissing the hand almost reverently. For a minute, he wondered what had happened to them. Not even a year ago he had still loved her with his whole heart. Oh, he'd loved Anya, and he had genuinely wanted to spend his life with her, but he would have thrown it away had Buffy changed her feelings.
Now, he wasn't exactly sure how he felt. He hadn't meant to leave Anya. He didn't want Anya gone, not yet, but he didn't want her forever anymore. Something about them was fading away, and it was the important something. It was best to let her go then, when she was still so angry, and he planned to do just that. If she hated him she wouldn't hurt and miss him as much.
But Buffy... he had been over her. He wouldn't have gotten that close to the wedding if he wasn't out of love with Buffy. But seeing her like that, all weak and scared, and knowing he'd tried to do what Spike had succeeded in doing, even if he had been possessed at the time, it broke his heart. Guilt was choking at me, and he couldn't breath at the thought that he could have done that.
"Xander?" he jumped, startled that she had woken without my noticing, and realized his hand was still on her cheek.
"Yes?" he coughed, trying to keep my voice from deepening. Much as he wanted to, he couldn't keep arousal out of my blood, at the way she was looking at me, like she needed me to make everything better. Xander supposed it must have been much like the looks he had given her so many times.

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