Rubies From My Eyes
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Fic: Sacrifices (R)
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. I don't have any money. Thus is my disclaimer.
Distribution: Let me know first
Rating: R, I guess.
Fandom: AtS
Pairing: Wesley/Bethany, Wesley/Faith
Summary: After "Untouched," Faith and Bethany become friends. They also both develop feelings for Wesley.
AN: This comes from the Dangerous Women Ficathon, for argante. Bethany POV. Challenge follows fic.
I'm not really sure how I got to this point, but I'm looking at the door that just closed, and I'm not sure how to get back to the place where it didn't matter. I almost wish I could be the chamber maid again, because this being here when the mess gets made thing sucks. I'm the mess, rather than the bed sheets.
I've always been a mess, but not like this. Not over something as simple as falling in love.
Maybe I should start from the beginning, or I guess its the middle. Right after Angel and I left Lilahs apartment, we went back to the hotel, and there was a girl there, a girl with dark hair and seductive clothing and a freaky looking knife. She said Wolfram and Hart had sprung her from jail, and there was no way she was going back there, said she wanted to help Angel. He told me her name was Faith, and we both moved into the hotel the same night.
Our rooms were right next to each other, and we got to be friends out of necessity. There werent people like us on Angels staff, just pure, good people who didnt know the other side the way we did. Angel helped us both, helped us develop our powers (she was a Vampire Slayer) and atone for the lives wed taken. He made us strong in the good way, not the way Lilah wanted to make me strong.
We would talk at night, only at night. She was from Boston. Her parents were teenagers when her mother had her, and her father was killed in gang violence before Faith ever knew him, but her step father was about as bad as my father, who is now completely terrified of me.
Lilah and her associates had wanted to recruit her as a weapon too, had even succeeded for awhile, after Faith went through especially hard times with a friend named Buffy. Angel saved her, even though he loved Buffy and it meant betraying that love in a way. Faith practically worshipped the ground he walked on.
Im not sure when things started to change for us, but I do know Wesley and Faith were close before he and I were. In fact, he asked Faith to feel me out, to see if I would be upset if he were to ask me on a date. Id never given the idea a thought; Wesley was one of those pure, good people working for Angel, and I was one of the unclean girls who owed him her sanity, but when Faith asked me about him, she said I got all flustered. I wanted him. Then Angel fired us all, and Wesley and I started to become romantically involved.
Everything went fine until he got shot. I guess thats where Ill start.
Cordelia and Gunn were in with Wesley; Faith and I had been there for 24 hours, and there was no change, so Cordy sent us back to our apartments to get some sleep and get showered, because we smelled worse than we looked.
Neither of us could sleep, so we sat on the sofa and talked about Wesley. I could tell by that point that Faith was weird when Wes and I were together, but I had no idea how weird. I asked her about it, and she stared at me for a few minutes, not answering.
"Really, Faith," I stared at her. "I want to know. You're my best friend and you can't even be around when I'm with him."
"It's not you, Beth," Faith said quietly. "Honest."
"So you have a problem with Wes?"
Faith shifted on the sofa and looked at me. "No, not a problem exactly," she sighed. "You really want to know?"
"Yes," I urged her to continue several times, before she would. If I had known then all that would happen, I might not have been so eager.
"C'mon Faith, were friends."
"I like him," Faith blurted. "Not like B. likes Giles, Watcher-Slayer type like. I like him more than that. I like him like I'm fifteen and not homeless type like."
"It's not just a crush, either, Beth," she whispered, sounding lost and relieved, and I couldn't ask her to stop. "I think I'm in love with him, and it scares me, because he's yours. I know he's yours. I'm happy for you two. But it hurts, too."
"What are you going to do?" I asked softly, not sure what I wanted her to say. Scratch that, I knew what I wanted. I wanted her to say she was kidding, and the idea of her and Wesley disgusted her and it was all a joke to see how Id react. I wanted her to say she was a lesbian, and not out to steal my boyfriend.
"I don't want to take him from you, Beth," she promised, but I couldn't trust her. It must seem strange, that I would take the side of a girl I'd never met over the girl whod become my best friend, but Faith herself had admitted that both Angel, and some guy named Riley were with that Buffy girl when Faith made her play for them. And Cordy's ex was supposedly fresh out of that relationship when he fell for Faith, too. She didn't have a history of being supportive of monogamous relationships, and I didn't want her near Wesley anymore. "I guess I'm gonna leave."
I hadn't been expecting that either.
"Y'know, hit the road as soon as Wesley's better. Rumor has it there's a Hell God in Sunny-Hell. Now that B and I have made our peace, I might as well help her out."
"And after that?"
"Maybe I'll come back," Faith shrugged. "Maybe I won't. Doesn't matter where I am after that."
I didn't argue with her. I didn't ask her to stay. Maybe I should have. Maybe that was the wrong way to react, to just let her go. But Faith wasn't really my friend. She was the woman who was exactly like me in a different field of the freaky. She was someone who understood me, but we weren't close. We weren't like sisters, like all the best friends on TV. We weren't family, like the AI team was. We were just two people with no where else to go and no one else to turn to, except now I had Wesley.
And Faith had that Buffy chick. So when Wesley got better she left, and I didn't tell him why.
I remember the next time I saw her really clearly, because I remember the only time I saw Angel cry. They were coming back from Pylea, and I was coming down the stairs to greet them, when we all noticed Faith at the bottom of the stairs. "It's Buffy," Angel whispered, sounding broken and helpless and scared, all at once.
"Angel..." Faith muttered, standing and moving toward him.
"She's dead."
The room seemed to freeze as Wesley and Cordelia absorbed that, and I went to put my hand on Wesleys arm, offering my condolences. Faith and Angel were both in tears, and Cordy seemed pretty damn close to them herself. I had never met Buffy, but apparently she meant a lot to my family, so I was upset, for them. I held Wesley that night as he told me what his duties had been as her Watcher, how he'd been proud of her even as he scolded her on a regular basis. And then hed told me they weren't friends, and proceeded to loose that regret in me.
Faith stayed with us while Angel went to Sunnydale to deal with grieving friends of the dead girl. She avoided Wes and me, and she was awkward when she was around us. One day, I was coming down the stairs when I heard them talking, her and Wesley.
"Do you want to tell me what the problem is?" Wesley demanded, in that harsh, cold tone that the whole office knew and was afraid of.
"What are you talking about?" Faith pushed him aside, and moved into the office, but their voices still carried. "There is no problem; Im five by five."
"Every time you say that its more of a lie," Wesley followed her, and grabbed her arm. "Why won't you look at me?"
"Because when I do, I want to die," she snapped, grabbing her arm away. "You have no idea, do you? She really didn't say anything."
"Bethany! She didn't tell you a damn thing about why I left the first time, did she?" Wes must have shaken his head or something, because Faith gave an exasperated sigh. "Because I can't see you two together. I refuse to see you two together, so leave me the fuck alone, I'm just here until Angel gets back."
"Does it kill you that much to think someone else could be happy?" Wesley's voice was dangerous now, low and throaty, and extra British. "Because Bethany was like you, she can't be happy for awhile?"
"No! Thats not that has nothing to do with this!" Faith yelled, I leaned my head over the banister to see them, but the door was shut and I couldn't see in the office. "Are you that dense?" something hit a wall. "I'm attracted to you, Wesley! Thats why I can't be here, so now will you please go?"
"You're what?"
I laughed at how shocked he sounded, but it wasnt a funny laugh. It was a painful, sharp laugh that cut through my throat and damaged my heart all in one swoop. Doesn't it suck to realize how strong your feelings are right when you realize they have to be nothing because they're about to get thrown away?
Wesley didn't sound disappointed shocked. He didn't sound unexpected shocked. He sounded shocked like when you realize someone you're attracted to is attracted to you. Like in fifth grade, when you get the boy, even though everyone said you were too ugly for him. Wesley sounded like Faith was the boy and he was the little girl who wasnt supposed to be able to get that boy, except with the genders reversed.
"Beth," he rushed out of the office, and I realized the couch was about ceiling height. "Bethany..."
"Don't talk to me," I screamed, and ran up to my safe room. Wesley didnt follow, but he didn't follow Faith either.
Three nights later, she went to catch a bus to Sunnydale, and I was sitting with Wes in his apartment, knowing what I had to do. "If that bus leaves, and youre not with her, youll regret it."
Wesley stiffened, I could feel it in the tightness of his arms, which were around me at the time. "No."
"Yes," I told him. "Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life. She's a Slayer, Wesley. Theres a real possibility that she'll go the same way Buffy did, can you handle that? Can you handle hearing that news the way Angel did?"
It helps to have your one actual friend be an ensouled vampire whos lost everything and everyone important to him. Makes for good example giving. He was out the door before I finished the question, and I'm still sitting here, staring at the eyehole.
I just sacrificed my happiness for Wesleys. And it sucked.

Your Dangerous Woman - Bethany
One other person that must be included - Wesley (paired w/ Bethany) and at least a little Faith, please.
Restrictions - Fluffy-ness. I'm in a separation angst sort of mood. F/W/B pairing.
Requirements: At least one thing happening at an airport/train station/bus stop etc; Wes/Faith angry interaction about Wes/Beth.
This is a non-slash story.
You must use this quote: "If that [insert method of transport] leaves and you're not with him/her, you'll regret it." "No." "Yes. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life."

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